Saturday morning
Up early! Breakfast was a silent meal. The dialogue in my head went Spongebob on me. "The most important meal of the day, serving it up Gary's way, Boop!"
We did morning prayers with the Sisters. It's a beautiful chapel. Very old,by Midwestern standards. High straight-backed pews, divided into individual seats. A nice reminder to me of us being all together with God, but alone with Him, too. Simple, beautiful scriptural chants, alternating sides. It was very easy to get lost in the repetitive sounds.
Sr. Macrina talked a lot about inviting the Spirit into your work - no matter what work it is - peeling potatoes or leading a nation. She talked about thinking about and through everything you do. No matter your work - someone benefits from what you do. She talked about honoring the blessing of work. I can honestly say, I don't always think of work as a blessing. But, it is a blessing that I can work and to be employed. I can also work harder at appreciating every call at work. Even if that person yells, or hangs up on me, it is because of them I have work. I do need to work on ways to approach work with a more humble attitude.
Lunch
Another silent meal. I had a piece of grilled chicken, a scoop of green beans, a scoop of rice and a roll. I think the chocolate cookies for dessert were homemade! We were sitting face each other at our table. Since I didn't want the whole "awkward eye contact" thing, I looked at my plate.
I can not think of another meal I was quite so mindful of. I've never really had a meal in complete, focused silence. Every bite of chicken, every grain of rice - where did it come from? The farmers, the women and children in rice paddies, the harvesters of the grain, who were these people? What was their life like? All of the time, labor and sacrifice that went into the meal in front of me.
That was the first time this weekend I think my mind was where it should be. I have quieted my outside, but not so much my inside. My brain is watching squirrels harvest, watching the cats of the grounds watching the squirrels, watching the amazing twisting and turning of clouds as the front rolls in. I wonder if I'm doing this right? I have a feeling this is something that comes with practice. My mind didn't become Grand Central Station in one weekend, one weekend alone will not slow all the tracks.
Saturday evening
Rainy and cool. I love this weather! We were finally allowed this evening to chat! Other than singing morning prayers, no sound has left my lips since late yesterday evening. We chatted at our table about the fruits of our silence. We talked about a poem by Stanley Kunitz called "The Layers". Amazing poem. First read didn't do much for me, but second reading, and then the enriching of the interpretations of the women at my table.
Big thing I noticed tonight, the polar opposite of dinner to lunch. Dinner wasn't silent. I continued to share and talk with other women over a meal. But the actual food itself was....physically nourishing but not spiritually satisfying. I loved talking and learning about these wonderful unique people, and felt bad about not giving heed to the work and workers that went into my meal.
Evening ended with a wine and cheese social. I met three Sisters of Charity from Leavenworth - one does the prison ministry, too!! I thought that was cool (I'm easily impressed by such "small world" occurrences).
As evening ends, my thoughts turn to returning home tomorrow. I know the boys are find, and Colm will want to campout *just one more night* and Edward will want a few hours at the farm....I'm more interested in how I can continue this at home. Knowing my schedule, when will I pause for prayers? If I know when, will I still do it? Will I take what I've learned and mindfully, spiritually incorporate it into my days and nights? Sitting in my super-quiet room, I realize this is the last night I'll have this sort of quiet for a while. I have enjoyed every second of this retreat, even if I'm not so sure my brain was quite as quiet as it should've been. But, everything in moderation. A kind of rare treat - savored more when it keeps it's specialness, it's "once-in-a-great while-ness".
Oh, I asked about the slacks thing. Apparently, they are more comfortable. Since I'm extremely vertically challenged, all my skirts hit just at or above my ankles. I never even considered the whole "you need hose with skirts and have to watch how you sit" angle. Mystery solved!! I didn't ask about the short hair, but with the trouble mine has been today with the wind and rain, I'm chalking that up to comfort and convenience, too.
I've had this song stuck in my head tonight - Edie Brickell - Me By the Sea .
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