Saturday Retreat Journal

Saturday morning

Up early! Breakfast was a silent meal. The dialogue in my head went Spongebob on me. "The most important meal of the day, serving it up Gary's way, Boop!"

We did morning prayers with the Sisters. It's a beautiful chapel. Very old,by Midwestern standards. High straight-backed pews, divided into individual seats. A nice reminder to me of us being all together with God, but alone with Him, too. Simple, beautiful scriptural chants, alternating sides. It was very easy to get lost in the repetitive sounds.

Sr. Macrina talked a lot about inviting the Spirit into your work - no matter what work it is - peeling potatoes or leading a nation. She talked about thinking about and through everything you do. No matter your work - someone benefits from what you do. She talked about honoring the blessing of work. I can honestly say, I don't always think of work as a blessing. But, it is a blessing that I can work and to be employed. I can also work harder at appreciating every call at work. Even if that person yells, or hangs up on me, it is because of them I have work. I do need to work on ways to approach work with a more humble attitude.

Lunch

Another silent meal.  I had a piece of grilled chicken, a scoop of green beans, a scoop of rice and a roll.  I think the chocolate cookies for dessert were homemade!  We were sitting face each other at our table.  Since I didn't want the whole "awkward eye contact" thing, I looked at my plate.

I can not think of another meal I was quite so mindful of.  I've never really had a meal in complete, focused silence.  Every bite of chicken, every grain of rice - where did it come from?  The farmers, the women and children in rice paddies, the harvesters of the grain, who were these people?  What was their life like?  All of the time, labor and sacrifice that went into the meal in front of me. 

That was the first time this weekend I think my  mind was where it should be.  I have quieted my outside, but not so much my inside.  My brain is watching squirrels harvest, watching the cats of the grounds watching the squirrels, watching the amazing twisting and turning of clouds as the front rolls in.  I wonder if I'm doing this right?  I have a feeling this is something that comes with practice.  My mind didn't become Grand Central Station in one weekend, one weekend alone will not slow all the tracks.

Saturday evening

Rainy and cool.  I love this weather!  We were finally allowed this evening to chat!  Other than singing morning prayers, no sound has left my lips since late yesterday evening.   We chatted at our table about the fruits of our silence.  We talked about a poem by Stanley Kunitz called "The Layers".  Amazing poem.  First read didn't do much for me, but second reading, and then the enriching of the interpretations of the women at my table. 

Big thing I noticed tonight, the polar opposite of dinner to lunch.  Dinner wasn't silent.  I continued to share and talk with other women over a meal.  But the actual food itself was....physically nourishing but not spiritually satisfying.  I loved talking and learning about these wonderful unique people, and felt bad about not giving heed to the work and workers that went into my meal.

Evening ended with a wine and cheese social.  I met three Sisters of Charity from Leavenworth - one does the prison ministry, too!!  I thought that was cool (I'm easily impressed by such "small world" occurrences).

As evening ends, my thoughts turn to returning home tomorrow.  I know the boys are find, and Colm will want to campout  *just one more night* and Edward will want a few hours at the farm....I'm more interested in how I can continue this at home.  Knowing my schedule, when will I pause for prayers?  If I know when, will I still do it?  Will I take what I've learned and  mindfully, spiritually incorporate it into my days and nights?  Sitting in my super-quiet room, I realize this is the last night I'll have this sort of quiet for a while.  I have enjoyed every second of this retreat, even if I'm not so sure my brain was quite as quiet as it should've been.  But, everything in moderation.  A kind of rare treat - savored more when it keeps it's specialness, it's "once-in-a-great while-ness".

Oh, I asked about the slacks thing.  Apparently, they are more comfortable.  Since I'm extremely vertically challenged, all my skirts hit just at or above my ankles.  I never even considered the whole "you need hose with skirts and have to watch how you sit" angle.  Mystery solved!!  I didn't ask about the short hair, but with the trouble mine has been today with the wind and rain, I'm chalking that up to comfort and convenience, too. 

I've had this song stuck in my head tonight - Edie Brickell - Me By the Sea .

Still updating from the weekend, but this is a GREAT quote....

Thanks to my friend for reposting this quote her friend found...it's such a great quote.

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so.” ~Mary Jean Iron

 

Retreat complete! Now....to utilize my new found tools.....

I am in awe of my weekend. I'm still mentally and spiritually digesting my weekend. It's like having all these wonderful ingredients in my head, and I know what I want to make, but I can't describe the taste to you.

So, while I readjust to my existence, I think I will start with my journal entries here. I'm entering these while in my living room, the boys plotting each others demise on the xbox, and Ed finally resting - I rested well this weekend, knowing he was taking care of the boys. He can rest well, knowing I am returning the favor.

Friday's entries -
I really enjoy my room. Simple. Quiet. Strangely energizing. I miss my bed companions (my cats). I also miss my family. There is a comfort to bedtime at home - a comfort of knowing my family is near.

I really really like Sr. Macrina Wiederkehr. She has an aura to her - every word she says sounds specifically chosen and prayerfully considered, but not in a "superior" way, if that makes sense. She isn't talking down to me - she's talking to me. No small feat, considering we come from opposite ends of earthly lifestyle. But what she's talking about - finding prayer, finding Holiness in every hour of every day is something for everyone, no matter who you are or what you do.

I did notice a couple of things. First, of everyone here, I look to be the youngest Those that are in my decade have "Sr." on their nametag. Two, everyone is in slacks, and all the nuns have short hair. Wonder what's up with that....here I am, working on (finally) embracing my girly side (skirts, light makeup....anything to have my son reconsider his "you're just a boy in a girl suit" opinion of me) and I am in a group of women that embrace just the opposite!

I must confess....I'm glad Ed said to bring the DVD player. I did notice some music DVD's in the library. I thought the player was empty - but it's not. It's got Monster's Inc, in it. Ed is the Sully to my Mike. Since it is a silent retreat, I stayed true to that and didn't turn the sound up....it's ok...I know all the words anyway.....

Still Friday -

It's 9pm and WOW is it quiet!! I can hear crickets....and an outside a/c unit. That is IT! I can hear every stroke of the pen on this paper.

I miss my boys. Bedtime isn't this quiet at home - "Steppin on the Beach" with Colm and Dad....prayers with Colm. Juliet, one cat, forgetting seeing my feet go under the blanket a mere second before - to her, it's now a mouse, or some other item she just MUST have. Romeo, the other cat, howling for Ed until he goes back downstairs. Ed and Edward laughing, watching a movie downstairs together until the wee hours. I very much appreciate this break, and I know boys will be fine. I have no TV, no computer, no chores to distract me. I will get everything I can out of this weekend, but my calling is to my boys and all the noise that comes with them.

I'll add my Saturday post in a bit......

And so it begins.....

If the best way to diet is to track everything you eat, maybe the best way to make prayer a part of daily life is to track when I pray....

Had a revelation while in adoration today. I usually do adoration at night...not at 2pm. It's a lot quieter at night. I mean, there's quiet....and then there is "absolute absence of anything other than the sound of your breath" silence. When I do adoration at night - it is the latter. Today? Not so much. It was quiet....but an active quiet. I took notice of footfalls, doors shutting, muted chatter down the hall.

So....I am going to do a silent retreat this weekend (Dear Lord, please make sure the boys eat something other than cereal and don't lose limbs by Sunday. Yes, Lord, that includes my husband. Amen). In theory - there are breaks of guidance, but most of this retreat is quiet. Sounds of nature, but not the normal sounds of life. A fast from busyness.

My goal? Tracking my prayer to see how I feel. If it's helpful to my physical body to stay in shape by writing down what I eat and when, what I feel when I eat, then theoretically, my spiritual body should benefit in a similar manner.

I want to pray as a family more. I want to pray more - not just by rote, but with feeling. I want to talk to my Father. I want to pray - not just say - the rosary.

Placeholder post complete. Off to make sure I have everything I need (Bible...check. Clothes....check. Ability to leave everything behind and embrace this opportunity....check back later.)